everyday dreamer.: thoughts and thinking

Showing posts with label thoughts and thinking. Show all posts

18 August 2014

it's the most wonderful time of the year.......

taken outside the british library.

they were matching. so i made them take a picture. and they actually cooperated. amazing.

yup.
the most wonderful time of the year.
no...not december and christmas.
but rather, august and the beginning of SCHOOL.
my instagram feed has been littered with snaps of well-groomed children in their back-to-school best.
hair combed. brand new shoes tied. backpacks strapped to their backs.
smiles of excitement, apprehension and reluctance (sometimes all three in one smile!).

and here we are.
living in london.
not as residents...but as visitors in a foreign land.
so my children will not be joining the throngs.
i won't be forced to battle the back-to-school store aisles, tussling over the last pack of pencils.
i won't have to suffer the cheque book shock of filling closets and drawers with school appropriate clothing.
i won't have to cringe when the too-helpful shoe store sales person tells me that my son AND daughter no longer fit children's size shoes (elijah has been out of the smaller (therefore cheaper) child's size shoes for some time. but i'm truly afraid lucy will be out of them this autumn as well).
i won't have to sigh when little sister starts pouting and whining because her siblings get all these new, fun supplies and clothes.

i won't have to endure the back to school scramble.
not this year anyway.
and i really should be thankful.
grateful that i can take advantage of discounted school supplies and clearanced clothes.

i SHOULD be grateful.
and i am.
i am sincerely glad i won't have to suffer through the madness this year.
but...
i'm also a bit sad.
sad to be missing that special first day.
especially as this was to be lucy's first day of kindergarten.
a milestone if there ever was one.
and that makes my heart heavy.
yes, they are having an experience of a lifetime.
and yes, they will be back in school soon.
and yes again, i am doing school work with them here at home.
but still...
still i'm disappointed.
just a bit.

to combat my feelings of disappointment, i did what i do best.
i got my camera out.
stuck their faces in front of it.
asked them questions about what they most looked forward to about the coming year.
and it helped.
a bit.
i'm so glad for these snaps...but will be thankful once they're safely ensconced in their appropriate classrooms.

"what are you looking forward to most about school, lucy?" ...

FRIENDS. (oh this girl misses her friends!)

and learning how to read. really read. so i can read stories to sam! (she loves pages through books, telling the stories by looking at the pictures. she can't wait to know what the words say though...)

"second grade, elijah. what are you looking forward to about second grade?"

playing with my friends at recess. (friends have been missed most acutely on this trip)

and maths. (to which i asked "why maths?"...to which he shrugged and answered, "because it's easy." hmmm...he did NOT get that from me!)

07 August 2014

craving home.

it's august!
do you know what that means?
it's time to start thinking about christmas!

no seriously.
seriously.
i'm only slightly kidding.

if you know me at all, you know that i despise summer.
okay.
maybe i don't despise it.
perhaps loathe in a better word.
okay. okay.
there are things i do love about summer.
nectarines and raspberries.
sun-tanned toes.
the way the sunlight slants through the trees on its way to make morning on the other side of the globe.
those things.
i do love those things.

but come august, i am ready to be done.
done with summer.
i want snow and ice and dark nights.
my stores of patience for hot days have been wholly depleted.
my taste for tomatoes has waned.
the nail polish on my toes has long since chipped.
i long for fires in the grate, sweaters and socks.
for twinkle lights and snowflakes.
to bake breads and muffins and cookies without worrying about the heat from the oven.
i start pinning christmas decorations and gift ideas to my pinterest boards.
dreaming of days when the yarn of my knitting projects won't stick to my sweaty palms.

oh winter.
come soon!

in this particular season of life, i am even more desperate for the changing of seasons ceremony.
winter means i will know.
know where we are living.
where my kids will be going to school.
where we will find community and a church body to fellowship with regularly.

i don't mind this not knowing business so much...
not really.
but it is wearing.
there is a part of me that wants to make plans.
to buy season appropriate clothing.
to have my craft stash within reach to actually make the pins i'm pinning.

i'm not sure what the autumn and winter seasons hold for our family.
we're enjoying this adventure while it lasts.
but it will be a reprieve to my soul to finally settle somewhere.
set up shop.
dig down some roots.
have a home.

maybe that's why i'm craving christmas and all those wintery, homey comforts.

24 June 2014

to you. instead of goodbye.

the tears came. unbidden.
spilling from my eyes despite my furious blinking.
making pools in the cups of my sunglasses.
hand out the window, I waved.
formed an I-love-you with my fingers.
drove away, sobs stuck in my throat.

to an outsider, our parting wouldn't have looked out of the ordinary.
certainly not a goodbye warranting tears.
just one mom packing her littles into a mini-van in the driveway of another mom's home.
yet, it was so much more than that.
the end to six months of playdates, coffee dates. sanity savers. of long laughs and of silent, shared tears. of moments and memories that anchored my soul during lonesome and turbulent months.

our children forged friendships over creek mud and snails.
dress up and calico critters.
lunches of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cheezits.

we solidified our kindred spirits across the counter sharing too many cups of coffee, chatting about Harry Potter and the insecurities we worry about in our children while we watched samuel grow from an infant sleeping in the carseat to a baby crawling all over the living room floor.

my dearest friend:
I wish I could put into words what these past months have meant to me.
often there were days that I wanted to be no where else than on your comfy chair, coffee in hand.
a stable mooring in the rocking sea life had placed me.
yes, I am leaving.
leaving for a land I've long longed to travel.
a dream come true.
yes.
but there is a small part of me that wishes to stay.
you are the reason there are threads of hesitation pulling through my dream-come-true reality. (and that's not a bad thing!)

thank you.
thank you.
for things you didn't even know you gave.

you are a poem, my friend.
I.will.miss.you.

15 June 2014

father's day 2014

I've tried to find the words for this day.
words to describe the joy and fulfillment of watching my children wake up on a sunday morning to find their daddy is home...this time for good.
there really aren't any...no words that can fully capture the heart-bursting emotions of celebrating Father's Day with the man that has been gone for six long months.
I will let the pictures speak instead.

Samuel's dedication. Thank you Ashley and Sarah for your beautiful prayers.

first shoulder ride.

06 June 2014

the inevitable reality...

photo taken 5 November 2013

it's inevitable really.
truly unavoidable.
the midnight peeks parents take on their sleeping children.
at the risk of waking them.
at the risk of ruining a night's sleep for everyone.
we just can't help it.

as quiet as can be...
stealthy.
ninja-style (as my husband has dubbed it)...
we creep.
creep to the crib. the cot. the mattress on the floor. the bed.
fully asleep, they fail to notice us.
we take in deep, inhaling breaths.
trying to memorize their scent.
the smell of sleep. soap. sweet baby sweat.
of blankets. and milk. and dreams.

they sleep on.
and we wish for earlier days.
the just-new days.
the days when you couldn't close your eyes for fear of missing something.
drinking in the sight and the smell.
we marvel.
this gift from God.
tracing ear lobes, nose bridges.
inspecting every perfect eyelash.
we watch them sleep.
in gratitude.

they sigh.
we repeat the sigh, tinged with wonder.
and thankfulness.
astonishment at God's bounty.
and His beautiful gifts.

01 June 2014

world travelers.

six tickets purchased.
it's happening.
it's really happening.
we're going.
going on a dream-come-true journey.

and I find myself conflicted.
part of me is going the cheerleader routine, complete with shouts and jumps and union jack flag waving.
the other part of me is reserved.
I'm not sure why.
maybe that part of me doesn't believe it's real...
that this is really real.

or maybe that's the scaredy cat part of me.
the part that would rather sit somewhere with a book and a cuppa and read about a family that traveled the world together.

it's easier, you know.
to sit. and watch life on parade.
easier to flick through someone else's instagram feed.
and dream.
it's harder to go. to actually go and do.
to experience.
it's even harder when you're doing that experiencing with four kids in tow.

but it's worth it.
it's oh-so worth it.

27 May 2014

thoughts like a hummingbird.

I'm wandering about the house
unable to concentrate on one single task.
I pick up a plate from lunch, intent on putting it in the sink, only to set it back down and walk into the living room, only to do the same thing with a baby toy abandoned to the floor.
my mind flits like a hummingbird - back and forth from one thought to another.
I suppose one could say, "I'm all of a dither".
an underlying current of excitement, like a pulse of a low volt battery glows inside me.
humming with a constant source of energy.
my brain jumps and starts in one direction then hops back to another seemingly unrelated path.
all in response to a simple telephone call.

England is once more a possibility.
a possible adventure for our family.
perhaps for not as long a tenure as originally planned but the potential to go is once more dangled in front of me.
the proverbial carrot I long to crunch.

all the reasons are there.
they all make sense.
but the money isn't.
it just isn't readily available.
and when one has to count on the sale of a house...one must pause.
pause and consider.
because as everyone's mother has told them: it doesn't do to count those chickens before they've hatched.

and so I sigh.
and really try to rein in my emotions.
but still, they scatter in all directions like a billiards cue breaking the rack of balls.
and I find myself wandering about the house, without aim.
wondering once more.

19 May 2014

a day in the life - part 2

{get ready for an image overload. I ended the day with nearly 800 images. whoa.
some of them will be featured in another post soon. for now, however, I give you a typical Saturday at our house.}

as I embarked on this month's "a day in the life" project, my only thought upon beginning was to make it different than the last (you can find that post here).
I was determined to be more creative, more candid, more artsy in the month of may.
I set the imaginary bar high.

during the first half of the day, my mind hummed with creative captions, witty explanations and thoughtful commentary to go along with the images I was capturing.
I was going to explain that my first thought upon waking was of coffee (instead of my usual cup of english breakfast).
I grappled with creative ways to tell the story of the night before, my daughters' decision to play silently in their room until I found them at 10:30, clad in only their - ahem - undergarments. and due to their lack of rest, they were beyond cranky and lethargic for most of the morning (until mandatory naptime was enforced).
I thought of how I would caption certain images: taken with a baby on my back, as the wee man refused to nap for any significant length of time.

all these thoughts swirled through my brain. until lunchtime, that is.
after lunch, all those thoughts were erased.
replaced.
cancelled out by a song.
a simple song.
but a song that nonetheless brought my heart to its knees.
this melody restarted my creative vision for the day.
I was scrubbing an overflowing sink of dishes with tears skipping down my cheeks, only to have them mingle with the sudsy dishwater.
"knees to the earth" my heart sang along, as my throat was too constricted to form the words.

the song immediately following on my pandora station continued along the same bent, serving to inspire my mood even more.
no longer a chore, an assignment to see how much I could improve upon the previous month's project but a renewed vision.
no longer just one more thing in my already busy day.
in a way, those words were rose coloured glasses to my day.
tainting the minutes with their message of hope.

I have interspersed the lyrics of those two songs in between the selected images from that day to give you a picture of how my eyes saw my world through my viewfinder.

all images taken 17 may 2014, in the order in which they appear.

Wonderful Savior, my heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me
Wonderful Savior, my heart will know Your worth
So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/christy-nockels/knees-to-the-earth-lyrics/#jFL8FhhO9hkPFbWz.99

Wonderful Savior, my heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me