quiet.

john took elijah over to his parents house for a bit...the house seems strangely quiet without them here. it's kinda funny though...cuz the house is always quiet...well...at least when eli's sleeping. maybe it feels more empty than quiet. but quiet it is. kinda nice having a moment to myself...i don't have to have my ears slightly perked for little baby sounds coming from the nursery. i can relax. kinda nice. kinda makes my back hurt...this relaxing business. john got me two gift certificates for a local spa (heavenly spa...it's run by a christian guy that goes to church with us...i've sang on worship with him). anyways...john got me two gift certificates there (one for my birthday and one for christmas) but i have yet to use them. maybe i'll call and make an appointment tomorrow. a massage sounds nice.

(paso robles is where the red "end" is...)

we leave for paso robles tomorrow. a good friend of john's is getting married down there. i don't think we'd be going except for the fact that our good friends jake and wendy live there with their two adorable kids, hannah and austin. hannah is almost three and austin is only two days older than elijah! eli and austin get to meet for the first time...so cute! pictures definitely to come. i hope to take a lot of pictures while i'm there. i want to use them for some assignments that i'm working on. hopefully with such beautiful models i'll have no trouble coming up with creative ideas.

john and jake in the snow a couple winters ago.

wendy and hannah, december 2005

still can't find my wedding photos. i've looked everywhere. twice. grrr-o-la. i really hope i can find them. it would be such a hassle to have to reprint everything.


in other news...elijah has now grown into size two diapers. big stuff. actually, we're phasing out the disposables and are switching to cloth diapers. a little more inconvient but much more earth friendly. after seeing how many diapers just one baby goes through, i'm sure that just my family alone could fill an entire landfill ourselves by the time we're done having kids. and those things don't just go away either! they're around for a longlonglong time. so...i feel good about our decision to switch. plus john said he'd put in my laundry sink for me so i didn't have to soak the diapers in the bathroom sink (i know...eww.). woohoo! laundry sink for me! exciting stuff. kinda funny the things i get excited about now...lol.

look at me! i'm almost sitting up by myself! woo hoo!

another big thing in our family...it looks like john will be taking a position with century 21's lending department. it'll be a good move for him; more opportunities and all that, he's just not too thrilled about having higher ups to report to. he's been on his own thus far...it'll be a change for sure. one of the downsides is that the training is in new jersey...so he'll be gone for a week! it looks like my mom will be able to come down to keep me company and keep me sane...ha...but still...i wish he didn't have to go so far! too bad it's not in kansas city...haha.

anyways...that's what's new here. i'm off to go eat some chocolate cake and watch grey's. peace out. for now.

more pictures of the little one. isn't he the sweetest? taken this morning...love that daddy's face is just tucked up there in the background. my boys. precious.

i hate moving!

seems like i have so much negativity lately...but i have good reason. I CANNOT FIND MY WEDDING PHOTOS! hello?!?!? just more than slightly important! argh. i have the coolest scrapbook page all set out and ready to go...too bad i don't have any photos to put on it! i was so proud of myself...i was finally going to scrap some wedding memories...only two years later. ha! however...despite my turning this house upside down and searching inside and out...i am still left photo-less. guess i'll havta reprint them. *sigh* just one more thing to add to my list...
speaking of my wedding...i feel like posting a couple photos (because really, what is a blog without photos?!?!?) so i think i'll post some wedding ones. enjoy!

and one from the honeymoon...

the big cut.

i'm thinking about cutting my hair. drastically. i have several reasons. they are as follows:

first of all...i need a change.

second of all...i never do it anyways. so something short kinda makes sense.

third of all...eli has learned how to grab it and pullPullPULL! doesn't feel so great.

i'm thinking super short. boy cut short. kirsten dunst short (i think the b&w one the best. what do you think?

daily rant.

i hate school. hate Hate HATE it. and no...i'm not being overly dramatic. i am seriously so sick and tired of school i just want to sit in a corner with my blanket and cry. immature? yes. do i care? no. i have been going to school for pretty much eight years straight. plus the 14ish years before that. 22 years. i'm only 26 years old. ridiculous. more than just a bit.

and don't even get me started on the money thing. this school is insanely expensive...of course it is...it's an art school! however...i'm beyond wanting to go into debt just to get a piece of paper with their name on it. john says i have to finish now since i've already started and all that money will have been wasted...which is true...but why waste any more? why not just stop the madness now?

i'm just tired. not just physically...but creatively and mentally. spiritually too if that counts for anything.

burnt out.

in a word (or two i guess). and i just don't really see the point anymore. i don't need a degree to be a photographer. i'm just getting the degree to have one. can't i just add all my credits up and have them equal...something? anything?

if the finish line were closer i'm not sure i'd be having this dilema. but it's still two years away. two years seems like a lifetime.

i'd simply love to have my day filled with my duties as a wife, mother, sister, aunt and friend. i'm tired of academia "tainting" my view of the world and my view of myself. i feel like such a miserable failure with my professors comments about my work. i know they're just trying to help...but it's so hard not to let it corrupt my self esteem...my heart even.

i want to want to learn again. i want to take classes that i want to take...not classes that i have to take in order to graduate. i really couldn't care less about 20th century art! really...i just don't care anymore...and that scares me.

i'm not saying all this for sympathy. i'm not even writing it for advice or a quick fix. i just need to say it. and hope beyond hope that it changes something deep down in my soul. cuz right now...it needs fixing.

i'm off to go find my blanket and have a good cry...

i heart the internet.

i do. although sometimes i hate it...only because i can very easily waste hours and hours of time on it. take today for example. i should be working on a school assignment that is due in a few hours...but instead...i'm blogging. because it's so much more fun! i've become kind of addicted to blogs. not necessarily mine...or even people i personally know...but more like people i've never met before! i love reading about peoples lives...especially from their perspective...and especially when they're crafty, inspiring people. so i've been wasting a lot of time reading other people's blogs lately...and finding some way cool stuff...like this......my own library card! very cool. you can make your own at: http://www.blyberg.net/card-generator/
super fun! or how about this? it's from the starbucks website:
pretty darn cool. (note to reader: this is not my usual drink...this one just looked way cooler than my typical double tall decaf nonfat extra foam valencia latte. although i'm tempted to try this one. it sounds kinda good!) so yes...good times to be had on the internet. especially since i can share photos with you that i took just fifteen minutes ago! here's the cute one...doing what he does best...being cute! aww...

come and listen: the 41 hour journey

come and listen. come and listen to what He's done.

41 hours.

wow.

looking back...i wonder...how did i survive?

a list of what i remember from my hours of labor:

41 hours. no sleep. intense contractions every two mintues. breathing. not breathing. screaming. silence. mind-numbing pain. gut-wrenching tears. questions. no answers. calm. peace within a storm of emotion. gratitude. joy. pain. resentment. relief. frustration. appreciation. jello. utter exhaustion. hunger. weary. darkness. light. monitors. heartbeat. rise and fall with every contraction. visitors. showers. vomit. nausea. icicle feet. endless. will it ever end?

david crowder band's "a collison" playing over and over and over and over. still love it. for different reasons now. the best song ever. so simple. so profound. so true. so...perfect.

"come and listen. come to the water's edge all you who know and fear the Lord. come and listen. come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty. come. let me tell you what He has done for me. let me tell you what He has done for me. He has done for you. He has done for us. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done.

praise our God, for He is good. praise our God, for He is good. praise our God, for He is good. praise our God, for He is good.

He has done for me. He has done for you. He has done for us. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done".

broken water. drugs i didn't want. drugs that didn't work. relax? i can't any more. epidural i didn't want. still feel...everything. push. push. push. push. push. don't stop pushing. don't stop pushing. 1 hour. 2 hours. is he stuck? foreceps? no! push. push. push. can't push any more. utter exhaustion. weariness beyond compare. foreceps? ok. tearing. no matter. finally. he's here. in my arms. slippery. wet...with my blood. beautiful mess. tears. mine. his. dad's. mom's.

am i a mom now? always. forever. my boy. so perfect. so precious.

come and listen. come and listen to what He's done. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done.

miracle.

nothing short of that.

snow days

i'm sitting here listening to "the wreckers" sing about rain...and boy...do i wish it actually was raining. or snowing! wouldn't that be nice for a change? however...it's pretty much the opposite. sunny with a high of seventy degrees. in march? i know. where's winter gone? sadness. so i've uploaded some pictures of alaska to remind me what twenty degrees feels like. refreshing. crisp. wonderful. wish i was there. contentment is hard to find today...except when my baby boy is in my arms. smelling his little baby head and watching him smile always makes me forget. forget the weather...forget the exhaustion...forget the ever-increasing list of things i need to do. my little prince of forgetfulness...where would i be without him? utterly selfish and preoccupied with the silly things of life. it's amazing how quickly my priorities changed with his arrival. about face. 180 degrees. it's not about me. it's all about him. he is life. brand new. unscathed. a piece of heaven teaching me about grace and God's love on a huge scale. ultimately...i would do anything for him...just a sliver of how God sees my pathetic, broken efforts at life. can't forget to thank Him. and him. the little one has no idea how radically he has changed my life...maybe someday i'll have the words to tell him. not today. not now. hopefully someday. heaven? maybe.

the last day of february

i am ridiculously tired.
exhausted through and through.
there is not one single part of me that doesn't ache with tiredness.
mentally.
physically.
creatively.
spiritually.
inside and out.
weary.

i know they say to nap when baby naps but after a while you start to feel guilty about it. and there's just so much to do! and what if your baby refuses to nap during the day? some new thing eli's doing...it's making me so frustrated. he's SO tired but he just won't sleep. right now he's on a blanket on the floor just kicking around. he's starting to fuss though...so we'll have to go through the whole process of trying to get him to sleep all over again. *sigh*

another thing that's bothering me right now...this house. it just seems so frivolous...so unnecessary...so ridiculous. i know we won't be here forever but i'm already tired of the "grandness" of it all. give me a little cabin in the woods (preferably snowy woods), complete with a real fire place (no more of this "flip a switch and presto-chango...instant fire!" stuff) and rooms that don't echo with emptiness. this huge house inspires feelings that we need to fill it up with more and more and more...when i think we have too much already.

plus i' d love to be able to have my baby sleep in his room and not need a monitor to hear him in the night...

____________________________________________________________________

written on 27 february 2007

it is currently 9 pm and my little boy has been asleep for almost three hours...and he hasn't eaten in almost four! is this a sign of things to come or simply the effects of a busy day?

went to safeway today. didn't have a list so i felt a bit flustered. i've already thought of things i forgot. i hate that i have to drive twenty minutes to go to the grocery store. i suppose i don't have to...but safeway is the only store around that has good prices and a healthy selection of organic offerings. what i wouldn't give for a whole foods though...

as much as i'm enjoying my little one's sleeping jag...i'm starting to get a bit lopsided and i'd really like to go to bed. and oh i hope he sleeps tonight! maybe i'll keep him up til his daddy gets home (he's at cheroots (a cigar bar) with the boys tonight). then john can help me give eli a bath. the tub's simply too big for me to handle that job alone...

ooo...i hear grunting...i hope he's waking up!

no such luck.
still sleeping sweetly.
i just want to kiss his pudgy cheeks.
he's so precious.
it's kinda funny to me...
i could watch him sleep for hours.

as crazy as it sounds...
i'd really like another one.
already?
i know.
my body hasn't even healed from the first one yet.
i never would have considered myself mom material...
but wow...i love it.
i can't think of any more fulfilling way to spend my time.
my life even.
i do get frustrated.
i do get annoyed.
i am tired.
so tired.
but i'm also blissfully aware of this little life in my arms.
and even though it scares me sometimes...
the responsibility of it all...
it's also exhilerating...
liberating...
and just really fun.
i wake up with a smile...
ready for another day with my little man
watching him grow and learn about the world...
there's nothing better.
incompariable.
it's true that Johnson's advertisment:

"having a baby changes everything"

it makes everything better...
brighter...
fuller...
happier...

incomparable.
indescribable.
what a ride.

i wouldn't trade my life for the world.

finally...he's awake.
nothing sweeter.

(pictures taken 28 february)

early morning musing...

it's 6.30 am thursday morning. i've just finished a breakfast of organic toaster waffles (who knew?) and juice (well...is superfood really considered juice? it's almost a meal in itself.) i'm just sitting here listening to the rain, watching my precious husband sleep and our little boy squirm away...and i can't help but think...

I AM SO BLESSED.

i probably have a thousand things to do today and since i'm awake...i should probably get started. but i just want to sit here for another moment and soak it all in...

_______________________________________________________________


things i've learned in my two months as a mom...

• i don't need as much sleep as i thought i did to survive
• i can love someone so much it hurts but still be ridiculously frustrated with them...
• despite what the pediatrition says, pacifiers are sanity savers
• breastfed baby's poops really do smell and whoever invented the diaper genie (it had to have been a mom) deserves a medal of some kind
• breastfeeding is hard and it takes way longer to master than i ever thought possible (i hope it gets easier with each subsequent child)
• newborn smiles wipe away all traces of sleep-deprivation and any lingering memories of labor
• there's nothing better than seeing elijah smile in recognition at his momma
• babies need way more stuff than seems possible but it's amazing what you can live without. however, there's not one corner of the house that's not affected by the baby invasion
• i can sleep sitting up while nursing
• a meal together with my husband, where we can actually sit at the table and eat at the same time, is a rare occurance
• baby will be fine in his bassinette for a few minutes while i brush my teeth and put on some non-spitup stained clothes
• the laundry never ends
• forget about spontaneous free time.
  
• it's funner to shop for baby than it is for me. the money that i used to spend on clothes, scrapbooking supplies and yarn now all goes to babies r us
• eight uninterrupted hours of sleep? what's that?
• the only way i can make it through an entire two hour movie is to watch it at ten o'clock in the morning
• nothing smells better than a baby's head and nothings softer than their skin
• the first time he had to get his shots, i cried...probably more than he did.
• just when i think i can't love him anymore...i do.
  

it's been a while...observations of a two month old

so...we've been in alaska for the past two weeks...visiting my parents and my homeland. though i love it up there and miss it almost daily...it is nice to be home and settled down a bit. elijah just turned two months on friday and i wanted to share some of his milestones, characterics and general observations of this stage of his life. enjoy!

-can almost sit up by himself

-likes to say "goo"...A LOT!

-"accidentally" rolled over on 18 feb. (i say accidentally because i don't think he meant to do it and i'm not sure he knew what he did...)

-smiles liberally at momma and daddy (except when he's hungry!)

-eating gets better and better

-still no bottle...just momma

-loves his paci (tho the ped says to limit its use...) and needs it to fall asleep sometimes (especially when he's overtired or too worked up )

-first vaccinations on 16 feb...cried so hard! and momma did too...

-can fall asleep by himself most of the time (except when overtired...then he needs momma or daddy's help)

-gets up 2-4 times at night to eat...then falls right back to sleep

-sleeps in bassinette in momma and daddy's room

-starting to nap in crib

-love to "rock out" in his swing

-he's a SQUIRMIE WORMIE! loves to move around...kicking and squirming and reaching for things

-the hair that fell out is starting to grow back in

-eyes are turning brown

-holds all his weight when he's stood up by momma or daddy (or grandma as in the pic...)

that's it for now...more to come

blog worthy buzz

my beautiful six week old baby boy! isn't he handsome?

wow...lots has been happening since i last posted a blog. sorta. my life has just settled into a fairly normal routine that could seem pretty boring to most people. my typical day starts at around 7am when eli wakes up for a feeding. he generally gets changed then too and since he's usually wide awake, he joins mom and dad in bed for a little skin to skin time and some bonding time with dad. john lets me sleep for a while longer til baby's hungry again...around 9am. momma's breakfast follows baby's second breakfast then i check my email and get a shower in...if baby falls asleep that is. after another feeding...i try to get a few things done around the house and then i take baby for a walk. he's usually hungry again after we get home...so he eats and then we both take a nap! he usually stays pretty awake after his 3-4ish feeding so we get some good tummy-time or play time then. once he falls asleep though...i get dinner going. after dinner, eli gets his bath and storytime...then it's bedtime for baby. if i have any kind of energy left...i allow myself some much needed ME time til he wakes up a few hours later...wanting to be fed again...then it's bedtime for me! that's my typical day...seems pretty ho-hum and boring to me...but i guess that's a good thing for now. i'm not sure how much excitement i could handle right now.

speaking of excitement...we finally moved into our new house in ripon. what a crazy mess! i do NOT recommend moving with a newborn...it is NO fun! i'm just now starting to finish up the unpacking...two weeks later! i still have my craft room to organize and set up...as well as the office...but since those rooms aren't as important as say the kitchen, i'm feeling pretty good about what i've gotten accomplished. it's kinda crazy being in this huge house...but it's nice too. well...it was nice til we got our energy bills the other day...yikes! i'm definitely more conscious of lights that are left on now...

in baby news...elijah has now graduated out of newborn size clothes (in most brands) and is now wearing 0-3 month clothes! he's also sleeping and eating much better than he was before...i'm only getting up two-three times a night now (most nights...he still has a few bad nights here and there...like last night). but i think the biggest developmental milestone occured today. i had to run to the mall with my niece to grab a birthday present for one of her friends. since elijah had just been fed and changed and was quickly on his way to sleep...i dropped him off at john's mom's house since i knew i wouldn't be gone for more than an hour or so. when i got home and picked him up he was still sleeping but he quickly woke up once i brought him home. when he finally finished with all his stretching and grunting (so cute!), i was given the greatest, gummiest smile in the world! my heart just melted! my baby boy knows his momma! what a special day...

even though i'm nearing the six week postpardum mark...i'm still not feeling 100% recovered. i never would have thought that it would take this long to recover from childbirth. conceptually i understand that i had a hard labor (40+ hours with 2 and a half hours of pushing, a 4th degree tear and torn stomach muscles) but i guess i just figured that i'd be all healed up by now. it actually kinda bugs me that i'm not back to where i was before eli was born cuz i want to start working out again...i want to be able to pick things up without feeling a painful twinge in my stomach muscles. i guess i'm just frustrated with my body...and i just want to speed things along! hopefully i'll start feeling normal soon...and then i can work on fitting into my clothes again!

more coming soon...this momma's headed to bed...sweet sleep...

one month already?!?

my little man is growing up so fast! i can't believe how quickly this month has gone by...
things have settled into a groove now...he's sleeping and eating so much better...that makes me one happy mommy! he's also become a lot more active during the day when he's awake. he makes the funniest faces! john and i just laugh at him...he's so cute!

joys and frustrations of motherhood.

this post is mostly just for my own memories...i want to remember how i'm feeling right now...in this crazy moment of being a mother for the first time. there are so many ups and downs in this hormonal ride...one minute my soul is content and my arms are filled to overflowing with this precious little man so fresh from God but then in the next minute, it's my eyes that are filled to overflowing and it's not with tears of happiness or joy but rather ultimate frustration.
i'm frustrated because i'm tired. what i wouldn't give to sleep more than three hours at a time.
i'm frustrated because i feel so alone. john just doesn't get it...plus he's been working on the house so much this week that i'm beginning to feel like a single parent.
i'm frustrated because my dining room table is overflowing with christmas decorations and it's nearly the middle of january. everytime i try to make a dent in the festive pile, something more pressing always pulls me away (usually a tired little man).
i'm frustrated because i can't get my son to sleep when i know he's so tired. but when john picks him up, he's out in less than five minutes.
i'm frustrated because my house is not only messy...but it's filthy too. it's nearly impossible to clean with one hand...and my little snuggler doesn't spend enough time sleeping by himself.
i'm frustrated that we're still struggling with feeding times...when will it get easier?!?
i'm joyful because i get to spend so much time with elijah. even when that time is at three o'clock in the morning...i get the priviledge of caring for this sweet boy...and i love it.
i'm joyful because since elijah is so dependent, i'm forced to slow down and relax. my body still isn't 100%...torn muscles take a long time to heal...and i know that if my little man didn't force me to cuddle with him...i'd be no where as healed as i am now.
i'm joyful that my precious son knows my voice...my face...and is comforted by them.
i'm joyful that God has entrusted such an amazing gift to me and john...
i'm joyful that elijah is getting the hang of sleeping at night...even if it is only in three-four hour stretches...that's better than one hour catnaps!
i'm joyful because my little boy is healthy and happy and growing shockingly fast.
i'm joyful because elijah really is a good eater (actually a little piglet if you ask me!) and that although we do struggle occasionally with feeding times, he and i are getting into a groove and i know that soon these hiccups will just be a distant memory.
teehee...what a cute picture eh? my handsome little man...
ok...i think i'm done with my compare and contrast essay.
have a good weekend everyone...

here's a question for you...

...why do they put pockets on newborn pants? really? seems like a complete waste of fabric to me.

anyways...i just wanted to put some new pics up...so here they are!

a mother's gift

a mother's gift

i've come to a conclusion. in my short two weeks as a mother, i've learned that breastfeeding is hard. i now understand why so many women give up on breastfeeding after only a short time. before i actually tried it myself, i didn't really get it. i just thought you popped the kid on the boob, they sucked til they were done and that was that. but now i know it's so much more than that. it's not only getting the right latch and positioning but it's a completely selfless, sacrificial act. you're giving a piece of yourself and that is drastically opposite of our human nature. we are programmed to be "ME FIRST! ME FIRST!" kind of people and breastfeeding requires the opposite mentality. especially in the middle of the night. especially when the pediatrition doesn't recommend bottle-feeding for another month or so. there are no breaks in breastfeeding. it's all you...all the time. when the little one wants to eat, he eats. no matter if you're hungry or havta pee, no matter if you're so tired you can't keep your eyes open...when the babe cries with hunger, he eats. sometimes i look over at john, all cuddled up in the covers, blissfully sleeping and i almost want to make a ridiculous amount of noise just so he can't sleep either. but of course i don't. because i realize even in my sleep-deprived state that i'm giving my precious baby boy the best start possible and that breastfeeding is a priviledge...not an obligation. so i'm enjoying feeding my little prince and i feel blessed to be able to give him this piece of me. i thank God that he's a good little eater and that we haven't had too much trouble overall getting the hang of this breastfeeding business. well...i've had some trouble (sore nipples and a clogged milk duct) but my little man does so good...i'm so proud of him. at our doctor's appointment on friday, we discovered that elijah has already gained a whole pound! typically, babies don't gain weight that quickly. at two weeks, most babies have only gained back the water weight they lost during the first few days of life. but my little piglet has already gained that weight back and a pound more! he likes to eat...that's for sure...just like his daddy. :D

we're heading out the door for a brief new years celebration at john's sister's house so i should probably quit here. don't know how long i'm gonna last but we should at least make an apperance. happy new year to everyone...

here's to a blessed 2007...

blessed quietness...

it's the day after christmas and all is quiet. john's watching t.v. while our precious little son sleeps next to him. it's been ten days since elijah entered the world...i can't believe it. sometimes i feel like i just got home from the hospital while other times feel like he's always been here. what an incredible ride these past few days have been. it hasn't been easygetting used to having this little man around constantly demanding attention...so needy...even when he's sleeping! (did someone say laundry?) but it's such a blessing too...despite the lack of sleep. and i wouldn't trade him for all the sleep in the world.

yesterday was a pretty low key day in the anaya household...and it was greatly needed and appreciated! we spent the entire day just lounging around in our christmas jammies...enjoying our little man...watching him sleep...laughing at his funny faces...sharing the duties of newborn life...it was a GREAT day. it was the first day since we've been home from the hospital that we didn't have to entertain anyone or go anywhere...and for that...i was extremely grateful. because although i'm feeling pretty good...my body is still healing and recovering from my 40 hour labor. i sometimes feel like i'm almost back to normal...then the ibuprofen wears off and i laugh at my ignorance. a 4th degree tear doesn't just heal itself overnight.

today we tried to take baby on his first walk...tried being the operative word here. after feeding him, changing him, getting him all bundled up and put in his stroller, we headed outside only to find that it was starting to rain. so instead of walking to starbucks...we walked around the block and called it good. and it was a good thing we did too since not 15 minutes after we came inside, the heavens opened and a torential (no idea how to spell that...) downpour began. oh well...maybe tomorrow.

i'm going to sign off here...my bed is calling my name and since the little one's still asleep, i might actually get some too. more pictures to come...

finally...he's here!

finally...he's here!

YAY! he finally made it into the world!

after 41 hours of labor and a lot of "issues" (with me...not the baby...and thankfully nothing serious)...elijah johnathon entered the world at 7.28pm on december 16th. he weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces and was 19 and 1/2 inches long. he is absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way! i can't believe how amazing it is...

thanks to all for your prayers and encouragement...we are so blessed!

argh! disappointment and frustration

well...the doctor didn't have any hopeful news for me today...everything looks the same as last week. i'm officially scheduled to be induced on the 21st...so if nothing happens between now and next thursday...elijah will be born then. we'll almost have the same birthday! i'm hoping and praying that he comes of his own accord because i'd really like to avoid induction...but he can't stay in there forever! so yeah...we're praying that he finally gets the hint and comes out on his own in the next couple days. i'll let you know if anything changes...but until then...we keep waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

the day after...

it is officially the day after my due date...and baby has yet to make his entrance. not only that but there's not even any signs or symptoms that he'd LIKE to come. seems to me that i'm too good of a home...he doesn't want to leave! i must say...i truly thought he'd be here by now even though i tried not to look at my due date as written in stone. i guess i kinda am disappointed that he's not here yet. i was just reading a magazine this morning about all the different developmental milestones that babies go through in their first three months and i was getting so excited to see those manifested in my own baby...but alas...all i have right now is an empty bassinet and a huge belly.*sigh* everyone keeps telling me and i know it'll be true...that when the baby is actually here i'll be wishing for the simpler days of pregnancy when the only thing waking me up in the middle of the night was my own bladder...but still...i'm ready for him to be here...to start getting to know him...to kiss his sweet little toes...and kiss his baby head. i'm ready...and it's time...so baby elijah...get out here already! we want to meet you!

and still...nothing

i guess in this case...no news really means no news. baby is still happily kicking around INSIDE my belly despite the encouragment from everyone. and apparently he doesn't want to be born on his grandma's birthday either (it's my mom's birthday today...and while technically he still has a few hours til her birthday is over...i'm just not seeing that happen). my due date is offically tomorrow...so he's not really late...i was just sure he was gonna come early! just goes to show that babies never do what their parents want...even before they're born.