missing john and daddy: day one

to my love...a brief (or not so brief as the case may be) portrait of our day.

18 march 2007

baby woke momma up at the usual time...7ish. downstairs we went for some breakfast (after a diaper and clothes change of course) and some tummy time!

after some tummy time and a little play time with momma...it was time to go for a walk! baby got bundled cuz it was a bit chilly...


we walked to i roast for you where momma got a chai latte. only the dude made it so hot that momma couldn't drink it and ended up pouring most of it out. even the little bit that she left in the cup still spilled when she was pushing the stroller up the overpass (on the rocky bit). momma got kind of annoyed since she spent $3.40 and didn't even get to enjoy the latte. bummer.

the spill and it's carnage.

then it was nap time since baby didn't sleep on the walk. he didn't sleep much at naptime either...so momma decided it was time to go for a little car ride...

...to target to buy some diapers. cuz even though we're using cloth...we still don't have enough to go around.
baby finally fell asleep on the way home. and even stayed asleep when momma put him in the crib.

he woke up a happy baby! but unfortunately...that didn't last very long. for some reason...


...baby decided to have an hour long crying jag.

no reason. at least not one that was apparent to momma. very frustrating for both involved parties (i seriously thought the neighbors were going to hear him he was so loud for so long...)

he finally calmed down though...

and momma and baby cuddled on the bed for a bit and missed daddy the whole entire time.

and then came the blowout of all blowouts. while baby was eating...he was also pooping...all over momma.

the culprit...a loose diaper. a mistake that will not be made again!

see the mess on the sheets? he also got the boppy pillow and momma's pants. good times.

after momma spend some good quality time in the laundry room, the little one got a bath. then it was time to try napping again. baby wasn't so much into napping...so he hung out with aunt and uncle and cousins while they enjoyed some yummy pizza plus pizza! what a great way to end a sunday.

after the pizza was all gone, momma and baby played outside for a few minutes (sorry...no pictures...i left my camera inside and was too lazy to go get it) and then it was nite-nite time for baby. momma stayed up a bit after baby went to bed...watching tv...folding clothes...getting her mom's bed ready...etc. momma finally fell asleep around ten...thinking the bed had never been so big...or so lonely.

miss you...hurry home to us!

11 things that are happening right now...this moment.

11 things that are happening this moment:

• i am blogging. obvious i know...but worth mentioning
• elijah is sound asleep. so sweet. just wanna kiss him. don't know how much longer he's gonna last though. he's been sleeping for a while.

• laundry is tumbling around in the dryer. the clasps on elijah's overalls are so loud!
• eating my newfound favorite yogurt (safeway organic brand banana vanilla flavored) and rice a roni for lunch. great combo eh?

yes i took a picture of my yogurt. i love it that much. seriously. the best yogurt i've ever had. totally worth the $1 per container. yesh. definitely.

• missing john...but only just a little since he just left this morning. know i'll miss him more and more as each moment passes though...
• so excited that my mom is going to be here in less than 24 hours! woohoo! i hope everyone gets as excited as i do about seeing their moms...cuz really...moms are great.
• trying to figure out why my computer speakers don't work. totally annoying as i'm really craving some snow patrol right now.
• pictures are uploading onto my computer. some fun shots from this weekend and the beginning of my "day in the life of eli and momma" pics for john. obviously i can't post today's til tomorrow since today is not yet fully lived! be on the lookout for those though. lots of pictures...lots of fun.

elijah and his little friend noah. taken at lyndi's baby shower this weekend. ha! aren't they the cutest? totally looks like their having a little baby conversation...oh the things they'd talk about if they could...

• making a grocery/target list. trying to decide if i should go today or wait til my mom gets here and go tomorrow. decisions decisions.
• browsing http://twopeasinabucket.kaboose.com/default.asp. best scrapping site ever. love all their way cool scrappy stuff.
  
• still in my workout clothes from my walk this morning. kinda thinking i should change into something less...um...sweaty. yeah...think i'll do that before the babe awakes.
  

that's all for now. kinda like these lists. maybe more to come. yesh...i think definitely more to come. :D i'll leave you with another pic of the boy...taken this weekend. he's just chillin' in his stroller. love that he has his feet up on the cupholder-thingy (what is that thing called anyways?). too stinkin' cute. as usual.

of the dangers of sharp fingernails and other lessons learned.

it is so fasinating to watch elijah learn about the world. he sees something and reaches for it. he doesn't always succeed in grabbing it but he's getting better. it just amazes me to think of all the things he has to learn how to do...no wonder he sleeps so much! i totally take for granted the fact that i can see something i want or need and without even thinking about it, it's in my hands. for eli...it's so much harder! i can literally see the intense concentration on his face as he tries to put his hand to mine. amazing to watch. seriously.

can't believe he's been here for three months now. wasn't it just yesterday i was wondering when he'd finally get here already?!? and now he's been a beautiful part of my life for three whole months. crazy. where does the time go? next thing i know...he'll be skateboarding with his dad. which brings up the latest anaya news...john is learning how to fall...err...i mean skateboard! it's his latest thing. our neighbor built a ramp the other day so from five o'clock til the sun goes down, they're out there crashin' and bruisin'. pictures DEFINITELY to come. and for another fabulous segway...speaking of crashin' and bruisin'...a brief announcement. elijah has received his first official injury. friday morning i woke up to find a gynormous scratch on his cheek that he put there himself...of course. poor baby. (it looked so much worse in person. the picture does not do it justice. at all.)

i can just see this as a sign of things to come. eli's gonna come home, bused skateboard under his arm, proudly displaying his latest scar-worthy injury. am i ready for this? ha.

but anyways...back to development stuff. elijah's almost rolling over from his back to his tummy by himself now...almost being the operative word here. he's got the rolling part down...he just can't figure out how to tuck his arm. kinda hard to roll over with your arm perpendicular to your body!

here he is mid-roll. dad helped him that time.

i promised i'd upload some pictures from our weekend in paso robles. promise kept! unfortunately due to the sickiness of the trip, i didn't get as many as i'd hoped for...but oh well...c'est la vie. anyways...here's some from "the meeting of the boys".

i love elijah's expression in this one. he's like "what mamma? what? i'm not doing anything!" and poor austin...look at his face!

in case you didn't notice in a couple of the above pictures...yes...we are officially a cloth diaper family. don't they make his bum look huge? but oh so cute. good thing he doesn't care. so far the verdict is: not much more inconvient than disposables except the drying time (they take FOREVER to dry.) also...found some disgustingly amazing facts about disposables that made me so glad i switched!

1. one baby creates two tons of waste in diapers alone by the time they're pottytrained (assuming they're pottytrained at about eighteen months). so...if we have five babies, that's ten tons of yuck!
2. one diaper takes 500 years to decompose. hello bigger yuck-o-la factor.
   
3. landfills are closing at the rate of one per day. so where are we gonna put all these tons of diapers...hmmm?
   

so yeah...definitely glad of my decision. now...if i could just get all my friends to switch too...

diaper bum!

although it's hard to tell from the expression on his face in this picture:

this is currently his favorite toy. it can also be seen (a better view) in the the birds eye picture above. it was a christmas gift from his auntie juana (or the kids...i can't really remember). he loves that silly little thing! i plays classical music and teaches numbers and colors. pretty neat little toy...and it's not even that annoying! (except when i wake up at two in the morning with "two little butterflys love to fly..." stuck in my head.) i think it's funny though cuz i always call him "squirmie wormie" and the toy is a caterpillar! two little wormies...ha! it's pretty fun to watch him grab onto the little "danglys" and hit the caterpillar's head with his hand. what a silly boy...i love it! his latest things is trying to put all the danglys in his mouth. they're a bit big sweetie... :D

well...it is currently 10.30pm. waayyyy past my bedtime. however. i will be uploading some more pics and fun stuff soon. i want to do another "developmental milestone" list like i did a month ago...this time for eli's third month. keep an eye out for that. and since john's gonna be gone for a week (and since that week is spring break...yessssss! no assignments!) i promised him a once a day "day-in-the-life-of-eli-and-momma" (and gramma too i guess since she'll be here) posting. should be fun. think i'll turn the weeks worth of blogs into a scrap page someday...and maybe i'll even post it on here. look out world. creative wheels a-spinnin'.

happy birthday to my love tomorrow! 29?!? woohoo!

it is official.

i have the ick. ok...i guess i need to be completely accurate and say that i HAD the ick. although to be completely honest, i'm still feeling the effects (or is it affects? i can never remember.) of my sickiness. i am just so thankful eli didn't get it...or hasn't anyways. i don't know what i'd do with a vomitting, diharia (yup...no idea how to spell that) laden boy. yuck! speaking of the boy...i think i hear him now...be back in a bit...

...ok. i'm back. daddy's finally home so he's entertaining the little guy for a few minutes.

so...back to my ick. i went outside today thinking a bit of fresh air might help clear the cobwebs from my head and help me feel better. however...there was no fresh air to be found. none at all. it was, my dear friends, 85 degrees without a hint of a breeze. so...after getting the mail and sweating the ENTIRE time...i decided to go back inside and wallow in my ick. so...here i am. wallowing. also procrastinating. you see...i have a midterm tomorrow. yup. good times. have i studied? barely. am i studying currently? nope. i'm blogging. yesssssssss.

anyways. i'm starting to feel guilty and just a bit under pressure to study. pictures and more updates to come. i've got to get back to my wallowing.

quiet.

john took elijah over to his parents house for a bit...the house seems strangely quiet without them here. it's kinda funny though...cuz the house is always quiet...well...at least when eli's sleeping. maybe it feels more empty than quiet. but quiet it is. kinda nice having a moment to myself...i don't have to have my ears slightly perked for little baby sounds coming from the nursery. i can relax. kinda nice. kinda makes my back hurt...this relaxing business. john got me two gift certificates for a local spa (heavenly spa...it's run by a christian guy that goes to church with us...i've sang on worship with him). anyways...john got me two gift certificates there (one for my birthday and one for christmas) but i have yet to use them. maybe i'll call and make an appointment tomorrow. a massage sounds nice.

(paso robles is where the red "end" is...)

we leave for paso robles tomorrow. a good friend of john's is getting married down there. i don't think we'd be going except for the fact that our good friends jake and wendy live there with their two adorable kids, hannah and austin. hannah is almost three and austin is only two days older than elijah! eli and austin get to meet for the first time...so cute! pictures definitely to come. i hope to take a lot of pictures while i'm there. i want to use them for some assignments that i'm working on. hopefully with such beautiful models i'll have no trouble coming up with creative ideas.

john and jake in the snow a couple winters ago.

wendy and hannah, december 2005

still can't find my wedding photos. i've looked everywhere. twice. grrr-o-la. i really hope i can find them. it would be such a hassle to have to reprint everything.


in other news...elijah has now grown into size two diapers. big stuff. actually, we're phasing out the disposables and are switching to cloth diapers. a little more inconvient but much more earth friendly. after seeing how many diapers just one baby goes through, i'm sure that just my family alone could fill an entire landfill ourselves by the time we're done having kids. and those things don't just go away either! they're around for a longlonglong time. so...i feel good about our decision to switch. plus john said he'd put in my laundry sink for me so i didn't have to soak the diapers in the bathroom sink (i know...eww.). woohoo! laundry sink for me! exciting stuff. kinda funny the things i get excited about now...lol.

look at me! i'm almost sitting up by myself! woo hoo!

another big thing in our family...it looks like john will be taking a position with century 21's lending department. it'll be a good move for him; more opportunities and all that, he's just not too thrilled about having higher ups to report to. he's been on his own thus far...it'll be a change for sure. one of the downsides is that the training is in new jersey...so he'll be gone for a week! it looks like my mom will be able to come down to keep me company and keep me sane...ha...but still...i wish he didn't have to go so far! too bad it's not in kansas city...haha.

anyways...that's what's new here. i'm off to go eat some chocolate cake and watch grey's. peace out. for now.

more pictures of the little one. isn't he the sweetest? taken this morning...love that daddy's face is just tucked up there in the background. my boys. precious.

i hate moving!

seems like i have so much negativity lately...but i have good reason. I CANNOT FIND MY WEDDING PHOTOS! hello?!?!? just more than slightly important! argh. i have the coolest scrapbook page all set out and ready to go...too bad i don't have any photos to put on it! i was so proud of myself...i was finally going to scrap some wedding memories...only two years later. ha! however...despite my turning this house upside down and searching inside and out...i am still left photo-less. guess i'll havta reprint them. *sigh* just one more thing to add to my list...
speaking of my wedding...i feel like posting a couple photos (because really, what is a blog without photos?!?!?) so i think i'll post some wedding ones. enjoy!

and one from the honeymoon...

the big cut.

i'm thinking about cutting my hair. drastically. i have several reasons. they are as follows:

first of all...i need a change.

second of all...i never do it anyways. so something short kinda makes sense.

third of all...eli has learned how to grab it and pullPullPULL! doesn't feel so great.

i'm thinking super short. boy cut short. kirsten dunst short (i think the b&w one the best. what do you think?

daily rant.

i hate school. hate Hate HATE it. and no...i'm not being overly dramatic. i am seriously so sick and tired of school i just want to sit in a corner with my blanket and cry. immature? yes. do i care? no. i have been going to school for pretty much eight years straight. plus the 14ish years before that. 22 years. i'm only 26 years old. ridiculous. more than just a bit.

and don't even get me started on the money thing. this school is insanely expensive...of course it is...it's an art school! however...i'm beyond wanting to go into debt just to get a piece of paper with their name on it. john says i have to finish now since i've already started and all that money will have been wasted...which is true...but why waste any more? why not just stop the madness now?

i'm just tired. not just physically...but creatively and mentally. spiritually too if that counts for anything.

burnt out.

in a word (or two i guess). and i just don't really see the point anymore. i don't need a degree to be a photographer. i'm just getting the degree to have one. can't i just add all my credits up and have them equal...something? anything?

if the finish line were closer i'm not sure i'd be having this dilema. but it's still two years away. two years seems like a lifetime.

i'd simply love to have my day filled with my duties as a wife, mother, sister, aunt and friend. i'm tired of academia "tainting" my view of the world and my view of myself. i feel like such a miserable failure with my professors comments about my work. i know they're just trying to help...but it's so hard not to let it corrupt my self esteem...my heart even.

i want to want to learn again. i want to take classes that i want to take...not classes that i have to take in order to graduate. i really couldn't care less about 20th century art! really...i just don't care anymore...and that scares me.

i'm not saying all this for sympathy. i'm not even writing it for advice or a quick fix. i just need to say it. and hope beyond hope that it changes something deep down in my soul. cuz right now...it needs fixing.

i'm off to go find my blanket and have a good cry...

i heart the internet.

i do. although sometimes i hate it...only because i can very easily waste hours and hours of time on it. take today for example. i should be working on a school assignment that is due in a few hours...but instead...i'm blogging. because it's so much more fun! i've become kind of addicted to blogs. not necessarily mine...or even people i personally know...but more like people i've never met before! i love reading about peoples lives...especially from their perspective...and especially when they're crafty, inspiring people. so i've been wasting a lot of time reading other people's blogs lately...and finding some way cool stuff...like this......my own library card! very cool. you can make your own at: http://www.blyberg.net/card-generator/
super fun! or how about this? it's from the starbucks website:
pretty darn cool. (note to reader: this is not my usual drink...this one just looked way cooler than my typical double tall decaf nonfat extra foam valencia latte. although i'm tempted to try this one. it sounds kinda good!) so yes...good times to be had on the internet. especially since i can share photos with you that i took just fifteen minutes ago! here's the cute one...doing what he does best...being cute! aww...

come and listen: the 41 hour journey

come and listen. come and listen to what He's done.

41 hours.

wow.

looking back...i wonder...how did i survive?

a list of what i remember from my hours of labor:

41 hours. no sleep. intense contractions every two mintues. breathing. not breathing. screaming. silence. mind-numbing pain. gut-wrenching tears. questions. no answers. calm. peace within a storm of emotion. gratitude. joy. pain. resentment. relief. frustration. appreciation. jello. utter exhaustion. hunger. weary. darkness. light. monitors. heartbeat. rise and fall with every contraction. visitors. showers. vomit. nausea. icicle feet. endless. will it ever end?

david crowder band's "a collison" playing over and over and over and over. still love it. for different reasons now. the best song ever. so simple. so profound. so true. so...perfect.

"come and listen. come to the water's edge all you who know and fear the Lord. come and listen. come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty. come. let me tell you what He has done for me. let me tell you what He has done for me. He has done for you. He has done for us. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done.

praise our God, for He is good. praise our God, for He is good. praise our God, for He is good. praise our God, for He is good.

He has done for me. He has done for you. He has done for us. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done".

broken water. drugs i didn't want. drugs that didn't work. relax? i can't any more. epidural i didn't want. still feel...everything. push. push. push. push. push. don't stop pushing. don't stop pushing. 1 hour. 2 hours. is he stuck? foreceps? no! push. push. push. can't push any more. utter exhaustion. weariness beyond compare. foreceps? ok. tearing. no matter. finally. he's here. in my arms. slippery. wet...with my blood. beautiful mess. tears. mine. his. dad's. mom's.

am i a mom now? always. forever. my boy. so perfect. so precious.

come and listen. come and listen to what He's done. come and listen. come and listen to what He's done.

miracle.

nothing short of that.

snow days

i'm sitting here listening to "the wreckers" sing about rain...and boy...do i wish it actually was raining. or snowing! wouldn't that be nice for a change? however...it's pretty much the opposite. sunny with a high of seventy degrees. in march? i know. where's winter gone? sadness. so i've uploaded some pictures of alaska to remind me what twenty degrees feels like. refreshing. crisp. wonderful. wish i was there. contentment is hard to find today...except when my baby boy is in my arms. smelling his little baby head and watching him smile always makes me forget. forget the weather...forget the exhaustion...forget the ever-increasing list of things i need to do. my little prince of forgetfulness...where would i be without him? utterly selfish and preoccupied with the silly things of life. it's amazing how quickly my priorities changed with his arrival. about face. 180 degrees. it's not about me. it's all about him. he is life. brand new. unscathed. a piece of heaven teaching me about grace and God's love on a huge scale. ultimately...i would do anything for him...just a sliver of how God sees my pathetic, broken efforts at life. can't forget to thank Him. and him. the little one has no idea how radically he has changed my life...maybe someday i'll have the words to tell him. not today. not now. hopefully someday. heaven? maybe.

the last day of february

i am ridiculously tired.
exhausted through and through.
there is not one single part of me that doesn't ache with tiredness.
mentally.
physically.
creatively.
spiritually.
inside and out.
weary.

i know they say to nap when baby naps but after a while you start to feel guilty about it. and there's just so much to do! and what if your baby refuses to nap during the day? some new thing eli's doing...it's making me so frustrated. he's SO tired but he just won't sleep. right now he's on a blanket on the floor just kicking around. he's starting to fuss though...so we'll have to go through the whole process of trying to get him to sleep all over again. *sigh*

another thing that's bothering me right now...this house. it just seems so frivolous...so unnecessary...so ridiculous. i know we won't be here forever but i'm already tired of the "grandness" of it all. give me a little cabin in the woods (preferably snowy woods), complete with a real fire place (no more of this "flip a switch and presto-chango...instant fire!" stuff) and rooms that don't echo with emptiness. this huge house inspires feelings that we need to fill it up with more and more and more...when i think we have too much already.

plus i' d love to be able to have my baby sleep in his room and not need a monitor to hear him in the night...

____________________________________________________________________

written on 27 february 2007

it is currently 9 pm and my little boy has been asleep for almost three hours...and he hasn't eaten in almost four! is this a sign of things to come or simply the effects of a busy day?

went to safeway today. didn't have a list so i felt a bit flustered. i've already thought of things i forgot. i hate that i have to drive twenty minutes to go to the grocery store. i suppose i don't have to...but safeway is the only store around that has good prices and a healthy selection of organic offerings. what i wouldn't give for a whole foods though...

as much as i'm enjoying my little one's sleeping jag...i'm starting to get a bit lopsided and i'd really like to go to bed. and oh i hope he sleeps tonight! maybe i'll keep him up til his daddy gets home (he's at cheroots (a cigar bar) with the boys tonight). then john can help me give eli a bath. the tub's simply too big for me to handle that job alone...

ooo...i hear grunting...i hope he's waking up!

no such luck.
still sleeping sweetly.
i just want to kiss his pudgy cheeks.
he's so precious.
it's kinda funny to me...
i could watch him sleep for hours.

as crazy as it sounds...
i'd really like another one.
already?
i know.
my body hasn't even healed from the first one yet.
i never would have considered myself mom material...
but wow...i love it.
i can't think of any more fulfilling way to spend my time.
my life even.
i do get frustrated.
i do get annoyed.
i am tired.
so tired.
but i'm also blissfully aware of this little life in my arms.
and even though it scares me sometimes...
the responsibility of it all...
it's also exhilerating...
liberating...
and just really fun.
i wake up with a smile...
ready for another day with my little man
watching him grow and learn about the world...
there's nothing better.
incompariable.
it's true that Johnson's advertisment:

"having a baby changes everything"

it makes everything better...
brighter...
fuller...
happier...

incomparable.
indescribable.
what a ride.

i wouldn't trade my life for the world.

finally...he's awake.
nothing sweeter.

(pictures taken 28 february)

early morning musing...

it's 6.30 am thursday morning. i've just finished a breakfast of organic toaster waffles (who knew?) and juice (well...is superfood really considered juice? it's almost a meal in itself.) i'm just sitting here listening to the rain, watching my precious husband sleep and our little boy squirm away...and i can't help but think...

I AM SO BLESSED.

i probably have a thousand things to do today and since i'm awake...i should probably get started. but i just want to sit here for another moment and soak it all in...

_______________________________________________________________


things i've learned in my two months as a mom...

• i don't need as much sleep as i thought i did to survive
• i can love someone so much it hurts but still be ridiculously frustrated with them...
• despite what the pediatrition says, pacifiers are sanity savers
• breastfed baby's poops really do smell and whoever invented the diaper genie (it had to have been a mom) deserves a medal of some kind
• breastfeeding is hard and it takes way longer to master than i ever thought possible (i hope it gets easier with each subsequent child)
• newborn smiles wipe away all traces of sleep-deprivation and any lingering memories of labor
• there's nothing better than seeing elijah smile in recognition at his momma
• babies need way more stuff than seems possible but it's amazing what you can live without. however, there's not one corner of the house that's not affected by the baby invasion
• i can sleep sitting up while nursing
• a meal together with my husband, where we can actually sit at the table and eat at the same time, is a rare occurance
• baby will be fine in his bassinette for a few minutes while i brush my teeth and put on some non-spitup stained clothes
• the laundry never ends
• forget about spontaneous free time.
  
• it's funner to shop for baby than it is for me. the money that i used to spend on clothes, scrapbooking supplies and yarn now all goes to babies r us
• eight uninterrupted hours of sleep? what's that?
• the only way i can make it through an entire two hour movie is to watch it at ten o'clock in the morning
• nothing smells better than a baby's head and nothings softer than their skin
• the first time he had to get his shots, i cried...probably more than he did.
• just when i think i can't love him anymore...i do.
  

it's been a while...observations of a two month old

so...we've been in alaska for the past two weeks...visiting my parents and my homeland. though i love it up there and miss it almost daily...it is nice to be home and settled down a bit. elijah just turned two months on friday and i wanted to share some of his milestones, characterics and general observations of this stage of his life. enjoy!

-can almost sit up by himself

-likes to say "goo"...A LOT!

-"accidentally" rolled over on 18 feb. (i say accidentally because i don't think he meant to do it and i'm not sure he knew what he did...)

-smiles liberally at momma and daddy (except when he's hungry!)

-eating gets better and better

-still no bottle...just momma

-loves his paci (tho the ped says to limit its use...) and needs it to fall asleep sometimes (especially when he's overtired or too worked up )

-first vaccinations on 16 feb...cried so hard! and momma did too...

-can fall asleep by himself most of the time (except when overtired...then he needs momma or daddy's help)

-gets up 2-4 times at night to eat...then falls right back to sleep

-sleeps in bassinette in momma and daddy's room

-starting to nap in crib

-love to "rock out" in his swing

-he's a SQUIRMIE WORMIE! loves to move around...kicking and squirming and reaching for things

-the hair that fell out is starting to grow back in

-eyes are turning brown

-holds all his weight when he's stood up by momma or daddy (or grandma as in the pic...)

that's it for now...more to come