i like lucy.

we went and saw prince caspian last night. it was completely different from the book (or from what i remember from the book...it's been a while)...but still, a good movie. i can't help but be affected by movies like that. especially when i've read the books and know the spiritual undercurrents that flow throughout the film. i'm sure the scriptwriters/directors/producers didn't purposefully try to put any spiritual themes in the movie...but they're there. they are the story. the meat of the story is wrapped up in sacrifice, trust, fear and doubt. human conditions really. for a children's story, cs lewis really packed a lot in there. i was in tears several times throughout the movie...once almost sobbing. it really touched a sensitive place within me. spoke to me in very convicting terms of my ability to be so incredibly ambivalent in my relationship with Christ. it is so easy to sit back, live every day life and just not even think about it. that's what had me in tears, covering my mouth with my hand, trying to hold back the sound. i didn't want to scare the gaggle of fifth graders that were sitting directly behind me. *sigh* and now...here i sit. not really sure what to do. i look back over the past couple years, through the ups and down and i wonder. i ask lucy's question..."aslan, if i hadn't been so scared would all of those people been killed?". he answers with truth: we can never know what would have happened. obviously...i've never killed anyone...or caused anyone's death. but i certainly have made decisions that were hurtful and just really wrong. i must take aslan's words to heart and move on without fear. just like lucy did. walking out alone with aslan hiding in the background to face a seemingly unsurmountable foe. wielding the one weapon she had...a tiny little dagger. she stood her ground...and through a series of aslan-orchestrated events...the foe was vanquished. simply...without pomp or circumstance...without grovling or begging for aslan to just swoop in and take over...she did as she was asked. she stepped forward. she faced her fear. how can i let that pass me by without affecting my heart? the picture of her...standing on that bridge, all by herself...it stuck with me...floating in the perimeter of my mind's eye. just there. a quiet reminder.