31 January 2013

one of THOSE nights...

it was a rough night, last night.
one of THOSE nights.
the kind you verbally put in quotations when it comes time in conversation to compare complaints.
to be sure, i have had worse.
but still, any night with multiple interruptions makes the morning that much more difficult.

lucy started it.
crying and carrying on. inexplicably.
it was only 9:30pm. we were still awake. in bed. reading.
she had already been in bed for two hours, though.
long enough to be done with the bedtime whimpers and whines.
we brought her into our bed so she wouldn't disturb her sister any more than she already had. 
after a few cuddles and consoling words though, she was shipped back off to bed.
with my chapter complete, i quickly followed suit.

then again at 11pm...the unexpected cries.
then again at 11:30pm. still unexplained.
no reason given. no warning.
just sobs in the night.

something woke me at 2am.
i had begun to think whatever had disturbed my slumber had, in fact, been part of a dream when elijah came scuttling around through the doorway.
"elijah. what do you need?"
"i heard someone crying!"
so maybe i didn't dream it.
up again. following the familiar trail.
and...silence. silence in the girls' room.
peaceful breaths.
a twitch of an arm.
a sigh full of sleep and dreams.
as i stood there, in the soft darkness, i prayed.
and i heard the eldest clamber out of his bed once again and pad his way down the hall.
a trip to the toilet, i assumed.
prayers resumed then completed, i quickly returned to the waiting warmth...
only to be disturbed once more by a six year old toting his favourite duck.
he had no real reason this time.
muttering half truths that included "scary dream" and "heard something funny".
john finally sat up and looked at the clock.
he scooped up the nighttime marauder and spoke in low tones about not worrying about waking up too late for school (a recent concern)...or placing too much emphasis on potentially scary dreams.
he took him back to his bed.
and that was the last of the night wanderers and interruptions.
until my alarm chirped at me, that is.
i had lain awake for quite a few minutes after john returned from his midnight sojourn...listening to his even breaths in the sleepy dark.
wondering and praying.
praying and wondering.
lifting up words, pleas, to the Most High.
for peace.
my eyes closed.
almost asleep, i was granted a vision.
a vision of nothing but light.
light that had form and motion.
it swirled, mist-like, around my sleeping children.
a blanket of light.
sparkling gold. pale peach. shimmers of silver. warm yellows. glowing gray.
wrapping. swirling. surging.
like the sea on a calm summer day.
washing over them.
i opened my eyes.
it was gone.
for a moment, it had seemed that the light truly was there, in the room with me.
filling the space. easing its way under my eyelids.
and perhaps it was.
His presence.
comforting us all.
His light consuming the darkness.   
i can't claim to know, i suppose.
but i do know the house slept in peace.

i was chastised this morning when i woke.
chastised and convicted.
why don't i pray like that nightly? daily? unceasingly?
it's a habit i must begin.
cling to...

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