melancholy musings

i took my little man to the park today. nothing special...he just likes to watch the fountains. today, however, there were lots of little kids enjoying the waterworks. usually, it's pretty empty. elijah watched the kids romp and play with great fascination...every once in a while, he'd let out a big coo and flap his arms as if to say "i wanna play too, momma!". i couldn't help but notice the moms on the sidelines...providing towels and sunscreen, snacks and juice boxes and observing the general goings-on with an attentive eye. one was pregnant, two others were nursing...and there were a few more changing diapers and settling the minor infractions that are inevitable with that many kids running around. they were all having such a wonderful time; it was truly an idyllic setting. my heart twinged a bit and to be completely honest, along with that twinge was a definite hint of jealousy. i don't want to covet what others have but when i was sitting alone on that park bench with my sweet boy on my lap, the beautiful morning seemed just a bit less appealing...watching the other mothers share laughter and sunshine while their children made memories glistening with water droplets. i want that. i want to be a part of something like that. i guess what i'm trying to say is...i want mommy friends. mommy friends that i can spend a random thursday morning with...sitting in the sun, watching our babies play while we swap mothering moments and pediatrician pointers. a group of friends to share my experiences with...firsthand...without feeling rushed or like i'm interrupting their day off. a stay at home mommy friend...or two...is all i ask. i'm trying to find contentment here...right where i am...but it's hard when i'm as lonely as i am. my only companion...while very sweet...can't exactly engage in conversation or listen to my motherly concerns. i love my life with elijah...i just wish i had a friend or two to share my days with...that's all.

(ps. memorial day post coming soon.)