occasionally i post entries from my handwritten journal here. this is one of those posts. i wrote this while i was in alaska. one of the main reasons i went up there this summer (besides to surprise my parents for their 30th wedding anniversary. i wasn't the surprise...peter and erin were the surprise but i guess i was a participant. i'll explain the whole thing in another post soon. anyways...) was to go through the boxes and boxes of stuff i still have packed away at my parents house. they're getting ready to downsize to a smaller home (a decision i DO NOT support in any way!) so with the threat of the dumpster for all my things, i thought i'd better get up there and at least go through it all. so yeah...that's what the following is all about. a bit cliqued...maybe. but definitely things that were going through my head as i sifted through my past...and a good reminder i suppose.
written on 6 august 2007:
i've stayed away from my blog (and the computer in general) since i've been here...it feels good to have a break. i've been immersing myself in memories and moments...making the most of my short stay. going through old things, boxes and boxes of nonsense...it was precious to me at one time i suppose. makes me think about life. about MY life. the dreams i had...the dreams i have still. so many desires...wishes...things i wanted to do and be...things i still want to do and be. everything resurfaced when i peeked under the lid of so many dusty boxes and inhaled the musty scent of the past and memories long since forgotten. i was reminded as i combed through photos, journals, old school papers, stuffed animals and itty bits of my past that i am currently living my life RIGHT NOW...this moment. it's not something that's waiting to happen...it is happening and will continue to happen until it's done. so...if there's something i wish to accomplish...dreams that need to be given legs...i just need to turn those aspirations into achievements and those desires into reality. it is my life...and someone's got to live it. i suppose it better be me.
cliched? maybe. but when every day slips by...unrecognizable from the last...i guess i need a bit of a reminder to DO something everyday...CREATE something everyday...instill a sense of purpose into my everyday...because if i don't...i'll wake up and i'll be at the end of my life still "sitting, waiting, wishing..." and that's the last thing i want. so...a gentle reminder for myself. i want my life to be about living. living with purpose...for Christ...for my child(ren)...for my sanity. so that when i finally do get to the end...there are no regrets...no "i wish i'd done this" statements...none of that. it's time to learn how to actually use my sewing machine...how to make a homemade pie...how to play the guitar...how to not worry endlessly about the little things (like the disastrous state of my house) and to enjoy the little everyday moments with my son. watching him play...helping him learn about the world. praying with him...with others. sharing grace and the Source of ultimate peace. a tall order? maybe. but a good order. a good one.